Self care; be the perfect parent to yourself

Self care, looking after ourselves, doing or giving ourselves what’s best in each moment, it sounds so simple, so why then can it be so hard to do?

Wait! Hard to do? That’s getting a bit ahead of things, even finding the notion of an inner voice of self care is difficult at times yet alone actually doing the thing we really need to look after ourselves. Self care is that thing we need, not the something we do out of responsibility for someone else or something out of duty to some other; none of those should and shouldn’t. What I am referring to here is having compassion for ourself.


I am sure we can all think of times when we haven’t really looked after ourselves well, maybe those times are recent, maybe even today! Certainly this week or this month. So how can we find the voice of our inner self care and what does this voice sound like?

Well, I have an idea for finding this voice, finding the voice and then carrying it with you everywhere you go. So here it is, a simple idea to help develop the ability to really self care. All we have to do is to ask ourselves ‘What would my ideal parent say to me?’ The ideal parent is the one that knows instinctively what we want and what we need. The ideal parent is completely attuned to our needs, it knows all that you do, feels all that you do, its a total empath with you. Of course it is, because its you. Let’s forget about our real parents for this (after all, who apart from Jesus had an ideal parent). So we pretend to be our own ideal parent, and you ask that ideal parent ‘what I should do?‘ or ‘what do I really need now?‘ Somehow its easier to hear the words of that imagined parent rather than the words of ourself in our current situation.

So I ask my ideal parent, ‘Hey, I am tired today, I said I would go out with some friends and I don’t want to let them down, but I have an early start tomorrow and I’m tired, what shall I do?‘ What would you ideal parent say? What would the ‘you‘ that’s not caught up in expectations and responsibility say. For me, I would probably be having a night in, a bath, and an early night, and I would feel loved by my ideal parent for taking such care of myself. In other words I would be giving myself love.

Peace and love!

Author: Simon

Author of Trainee Gestalt counsellor

9 thoughts on “Self care; be the perfect parent to yourself”

  1. It’s almost uncanny that this post dropped, like a sweet gift, into my inbox. I was just discussing this very concept with my counselor this week, in tandem with, techniques to avoid self sabotage. When you give so much to your children, and to the world at large (I’m a nurse), it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself. Learning to self parent is a vital way to make sure our own needs are met in order to meet the needs of our children; it’s a beautiful spiral. Thank you for your validating post!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Firstly, I love the cat picture. I often remind myself: Be a cat! Relax in the sun, think mainly of yourself ! It’s hard to do, but I do like your idea of asking that ideal parent what to do 🙂 good idea. Mine is telling me now to drink tea before yoga :).

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I think the ideal parent idea you are speaking of falls under the category of “simple but not easy”.
    I really enjoyed your take on it. Self can handle be a bit of a Brier patch. We get caught and Tangled in the thorns.
    I look forward to reading some more of your posts

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This self-care concept is tricky waters for me to coast along. I am an extremist and I am a giver and I take my giving to unhealthy places. I help so much I start to get hurt by how much help is being taken without consideration to my needs. I start to blame others for not caring for me as I care for them. But that’s the unwellness manifesting and when I need to realize I am not caring for myself, so how can others be expected to.

    I’m in the midst of a breakdown and so I am working hard to give myself what I need to get well. It is hard because I feel strongly what I need is to take care of others. It makes me feel better about myself. But as an extremist with compulsion control issues, I take this desire to do good to bad places. I have some self-learning and growth to work on in this area.

    Thankfully I have family and friends that are helping me help myself. It is a deep blessing to have such caring and considerate people to support me.


  5. Pingback: Self care; be the perfect parent to yourself — An Accidental Anarchist – SEO

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